Terrific One-Liners

22:22 Catfish 0 Comments

Contributed by: Bharathi Sarkar bharathi.sarkar @ netafim-india.com)

Name the 3 fastest means of communication?
Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman!

Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either.

The trouble with being a good sport is, you have to loose in order to prove it.

An optimist: A man who gets married when he's seventy-five and then looks for a house near a school.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce : Future tense of marriage

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

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Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

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one-liner part-2

22:20 Catfish 0 Comments

Contributed by: Raghuvir Singh (raghuvirsingh @ yahoo.com)
Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself

You are not responsible for what people think about you.

But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.

A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman.

A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.

Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.

Behind every successful man, there is an untold pain in his heart.

Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail.

Love your job but don't love your Company because you may not know when your company stops loving you.

You may get DELAYED to reach your Targets.

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But every step you take towards your target is EQUAL to Victory.

It's better to loose your Ego to the one you Love,  than to loose the one you LOVE because of EGO.

Don't make promise when you are in JOY .. Don't reply when you are SAD.

Don't take decisions when you are ANGRY. Think twice, Act wise. BE happy.

When you start caring about yourself, you start loving somebody.

But when start caring about others somebody will start loving you


What is the Secret of SUCCESS...? "RIGHT DECISIONS" How do you make Right Decisions...? "EXPERIENCE" How do you get Experience..?  "WRONG DECISIONS"

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one-liner part-1

22:19 Catfish 0 Comments


1.   Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

2.   Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.


3.   Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4.   I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash


5.   A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6.   Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent


7.   Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8.   You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it


9.   Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

10.     Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.


11.     Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

12.     My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.


13.     Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

14.     Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.


15.     A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

16.     You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.


17.     It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

18.     Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.


19.     Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

20.     Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something


21.     They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak
22.      Man: Is there any recipe for a long life?
      Dr: Get married.
      Man: Will it help?
      Dr: No, but then the thought will never occur.
23.      Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
24.     Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
25.     It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
26.     There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

27.     There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

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50 Murphy's Law

23:17 Catfish 0 Comments



Contributed by: Rajesh (verygood101 @ yahoo.com)
1.           You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

2.           Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence..


3.           Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

4.           Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.


5.  If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

6.           The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.


7.           The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

8.           An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.


9.           Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

10.      All great discoveries are made by mistake.


11.      Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

12.      Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.


13.      All's well that ends.

14.      A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.


15.      The first myth of management is that it exists.

16.      A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.


17.      New systems generate new problems.

18.      To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.


19.      We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.


20.      Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

21.      Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.


22.      A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

23.      The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.


24.      Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

25.      Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.


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26.      The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

27.      To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.


28.      After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

29.      Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.


30.      A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

31.      If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.


32.      Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

33.      Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."


34.      Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

35.      If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.


36.      The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

37.      In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.


38.      Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

39.      All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.


40.      The only perfect science is hind-sight.

41.      Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.


42.      If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

43.      If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.


44.      When all else fails, read the instructions.

45.      If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.


46.      Everything that goes up must come down.

47.      Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.


48.      Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

49.      Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.


50.   The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

51.   Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

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